someone needs to write a handbook

Not sure I understand the contours of our political landscape when it comes to gestures--what's in, what's out; what's appropriate and presidential, what's "hood."

Apparently--that is to say, guessing by the silly-ass media hullabaloo surrounding it waaaaaay back in, meeeh, August--there's somethin' kooky about a half-black, half-white man fist-bumping his wife on the campaign trail.

By the way, doesn't that sound dirty?  "Fist-bumping his wife"?  Fist bumping? How about "giving the fist bump to"?  Still dirty.  Bumping fists with?  Sounds like... a euphemism for something dirty. Like, "I want to purple dinosaur Barack Obama!"  We all know what purple dinosaur means in this context, right?  Well, try replacing "fists" with "uglies." 

My apologies.  Truly, I: a) can't help myself, and b) digress.

Anyheeeww, riddle me this:  why isn't anyone up in arms about the below-pictured hella-ancient former president fist-bumping the below-pictured hella-emaciated former tennis pro?  Hmmmmmm? 

It all stinks of some lewd kind of conspiracy--and if we want to talk about bumpin' whatever and dinosaurs of any hue in connection with that second image, we can take "stinks" and "lewd" in all kinds of horrifying directions. 

AND THEN. As if the fist-bumping/purple dinosaur issue weren't baffling enough:

!!!!!

Apparently there's nothing kooky at all about a crazy-ass  rifle-totin' jesus-lovin' white lady rockin' the devil horns.  Right?

I suppose, so as long she's decked out in Marc Jacobs and Prada, we don't give a--how you say--hoot. Oh, gosh golly, you really let one slide der yoh gotcha media.  You are to the presidential election as DYBIP.typepad.com is to professional tennis. And by that, I of course mean AWESOME JOB.

So anyway, about that handbook. Karl?  MBIMOTMOG? (rise, rise from the ashes!)

Comments

[Karl]

Okay first of all those aren't the devil horns. The thumb is in for the proper horns. What Gov. Palin is doing there is giving the KISS salute.

I'm sorry to split hairs here but the Republican Party is and ever shall be nothing but the basest of false metal and the giving of the KISS salute is incontrovertible proof.

Second George Bush* is allowed to make "street" hand gestures because he is invariably going to accompany them with a white-dorkus exclamation that more than compensates for his inadvertent blackness, e.g. "Vic Damone!"**
___________
* In my book "George Bush" means #41 and #41 only. #43 must be "George W. Bush," by analogy with "John Q. Adams," leaving aside the fact that JQA is a million times the president GWB will ever be.***

** For reals. Look it up.

*** Yes I was reading David Foster Wallace this morning. "Authority and American Usage," regarding which I take his general point, but still take issue with his having done no small violence to Pragmatics on his way there.

[Karl]

PS Many thanks to thElizabeth for providing me with the perfect opportunity to call the Republicans false metal.

And false metal they are. They are falser than Bon Jovi, falser even than W.A.S.P.. The Republican party are the synthesized orchestral wash in the grim necro kvltness that is America.

[Karl]

PPS Apologies for the comment spew.

PPPS BONUS BLANK: "Vicodin is a _______ for a perfect _______."

PPPPS TOTAL COMMENTS HEGEMONY will soon be mine once more.

[Karl]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELIZABETH

[Karl]

FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY I GOT YOU

[Karl]

PUSHED ALMOST TOTALLY OFF YOUR OWN COMMENTS BAR

[thelizabeff]

Ahahaha! Thanks! What restraint that you didn't go for total domination! Oop--too late now...

[300 Spartanworkouts]

They're all really cute. I enjoyed reading your article. Keep it up!