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2007.12.03

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What happens if you ask the barista in #2 for a 12?

He seizures and bites through his tongue, usually.

1) sorry but my pants ripping before 8 am beats your coffee gripes
2) you should come to my cafe, i will make you a delicious flat white and there will be no choice of size, all 'take away' coffees come in one size only (which is apparently a 'large' size, but really i think it is 10 maybe 12 oz, there is no such thing as a big ass coffee here unless you stay to drink it, then you can get a bowl, which i think is gluttonous and gross, and probably cools down too fast)
c) i also hate when cafes make up there own names for sizes and i too refuse to use the stupid names and loathe when i am corrected, stupid assfaced names - go to hell.
4) kisses

1) You will get no argument from me there, Cheeky (!)
2) I would love to.
c) Word 'em up.
4) xoxoxoxoxoxoxx

c) Evidently the leader in that field, which shall remain nameless, deliberately gave its smallest two sizes names meaning 'large' and its largest size a name meaning 'twenty" in a language nobody knows with the intent to confuse people into ordering more coffee than they wanted and kicking up the profit margin.

the thing that pisses me off is having to fully describe the simple cup of coffee that I want: now, to get the same cup of coffee that comes, unbidden, from the device in kitchens across America, I must order a 'black, dark roast, large, no cream, no soy, no sugar' coffee. Next year I will probably have to start to specify that I would like my coffee "no strychnine".

Karl, kiwis simplified your coffee order by calling it a long black. time to move down under (i think coffee culture in australia is similar to that in nz... that's what i call options son)

1) For a truly fierce experience of all things-one-will-never-understand-about-cafes try going to a Starbucks in Times Square or the Financial District pre-9am.

2) The first time I ordered a coffee in London and they asked me "black or white? take away?" I froze like a deer in headlights. In hindsite I should have asked for a long black in a bowl in retribution.

My friend Mary's sister in law has a good one, I think: long story short, she went into some hipster cafe and ordered an iced drink, and the hipster barista was all, "What kind of ice do you want?" Meghan was all, "what?!" and they went back and forth, Meghan not understanding and hipster barista refusing to clarify; eventually hipster barista proceeded in getting extREMEly irked.

I would have said, "cubed?"

Turned out she meant coffee ice or water ice. Not intuitive. Not.

Re: ridiculous in-house sizes: I once heard someone use the term "incorrected" to refer to barista's reproachful correction of a customer failing to use the cutesy word mandated on the menu. As in, "I ordered a small and the barista incorrected me--apparently it's a 'tiny' there".

I'm not sure if that word will get irritating with overuse, but for now I'm a fan.

PS I think it could be used theoretically any time someone tries to correct another with misinformation.

Or anytime someone corrects you in order to communicate that they are better "in the know" than you, rather than to actually provide you with information.

Stop incorrecting Karl.

I love that word, though.

As an aside, though this relates, I suppose, tangentially, to the ordering of drinks using the merchant's preferred lingo, Casey refuses - flat-out refuses - to order anything by the fancy-ass name a restaurant gives it. Say, for instance, they call a western omelette a Triple Laredo South-of-the-Border Ranchero Special Egg-stravaganza, she'll either straight-out point to it on the menu or just say, "Give me the western omelette."

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