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That ain't Tom's baby. I have it on good authority that the Church of Scientology's Department of Divine Perpetuation knocked Katie up with a thawed-out dose of jus de L. Ron Hubbard.

Thank you for saying "thawed-out" rather than, say "piping hot," because that would just be obscene.

Maybe she's going to fall, pregnant, into a molten lava pit like Ripley did in Alien 3 and hopefully end this entire horrid cycle.

Well THANKS for ruining Alien 3 for me, Joseph! Would a spoiler alert have killed you?

Ummm you guys, there is such a movie as ALIEN RESURRECTION!!!

I think you're all being naive if you thing the Scientologists haven't been experimenting with the TomKitten's DNA in ways that offend Mother Nature (Winona Ryder) to her gin-soaked (shop-lifting) core.

Tom Cruise is Kaiser Soze.

Yeah, and someday TomKitten might take on SON OF PREDATOR (Donald Trump's new offspring?). Yikes.

Sorry Jennifer, I wasn't sure if Alien 3 had passed the spoiler statute of limitations yet. I'll keep Terminator 3 to myself, but if you would like to know whether or not Dalton cleans up the Double Deuce in Road House, just let me know.


The Padres rule.

This seems like a good time to revisit the modern sci-fi masterpiece "Tom Kills Oprah".

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