do you believe in planets?

life as an amoeba

Tonight, while organizing my notes in preparation for orals preparation (yes, you read that right), I rediscovered the journal I had to keep for my seventh-grade English class. I had snagged this gem from my old bedroom while staying at my parents' over Christmas, and I'd forgotten to give it a look until tonight.  So of course I skimmed a few entries in lieu of doing my pre-work work (yes, you read that right). 

The prompt for one entry was to write a story about "the smallest creature [I] could think of."  I titled mine "Amoeba," which caught my eye because two summers ago I adopted "Amoeba" as a my totem creature (after Reese decided that "Ghost" was an unacceptable answer).  I even identified the Amoeba as my totem when asked this question in a graduate seminar last year.

Anyway. The actual story kind of slays me.  Without further ado, I present, after many years in obscurity,

"The Amoeba." 

    The amoeba swam back and forth through the drop of water, bitterly resenting that it was a one-celled creature.
    Suddenly, along came an overdeveloped protozoa.  It looked so big—could have been two whole cells!—and it looked hungry.  It swam toward Amoeba.  Amoeba shrunk away in fear, only to be swallowed whole by the protozoa.
    Amoeba felt himself being hurled through a tunnel of darkness.  Then the darkness broke into light, and before Amoeba knew it, God was standing before him in all His glory.
    God was disappointed in the way Amoeba had lived his life, so He decided to reincarnate Amoeba as a human as punishment.  If Amoeba lived his human life well, then maybe he could go to heaven.  Amoeba begged and pleaded with God not to be so cruel, but His mind was made up.  Amoeba came back as a human.
    Amoeba’s human life was of hardship and misery.  He wished desperately that he had appreciated his one-celledness while he had it.  But he lived to be good.  He finally went to Heaven, where he thanked God over and over for not making him stay on Earth as a human for all eternity.

I think I might just post these seventh-grade journal entries as blog posts until I run out of funny/irritating/asinine ones. Then when that happens, I might just take this blog down.  Or look for other journals.  Maybe other people's journals.

postrelevant: adj.

Any of you nerds familiar with the Merriam-Webster website? It looks something like this:

If you look closely, you will see that there is a daily feature called "Word of the Day," but there is also a new feature titled "Open Dictionary Word of the Day." The Open Dictionary is a collection of should-be words submitted by lil' ol' folks like me. Well, I drunkenly submitted a word the other day, and guess what? Guess what? Look closer:

Oh that's right that IS my word BITCHES!

It's actually a word that my classmate muttered under her breath during a 20-week professional reading and scholarship seminar that I and my other classmates became so fond of that we had a t-shirt for our prof made featuring said word. Now it's officially in the Open Dictionary.

Unfortunately, I was drunk enough that I seriously messed up the entry with grammatical errors (LOL!), but meh.

P.S.: *