do you believe in planets?

for the happies are needed for the crazies

The date of my qualifying exam has drawn near enough for inclusion in the weather forecast.  Mercy me! 

This is how I cope:

I too predict amorous storms and cyclones.

weekend planz; lolcat

For the first time since Spring Break, I'm takin' these old bones across state lines. That's right friends, foes, and acquaintances with whom I maintain tepid-to-lukewarm relations--I'm going away for the weekend!

Sarah and I, along with Dave and Adrienne, depart for Madison tomorrow evening. I hope to lay both eyes and paws (with any luck, some other parts as well...!!!) upon many sorely missed friendlies; however, Rah and Ebeff are renting a room at the Day's Inn (classay!!!) out by the beltline, which will make a late night drink-a-thon highly unlikely. This is just as well, because we need to hit the road up to Baraboo on Saturday where our rental cabin awaits us.

Did I say "cabin"? Yeeeees.

Is it going to be cold and rainy this weekend? Yeeeees.

Will we allow that to ruin our "weekend away"? Haille no! I was raised to weather weather, kids. And who knows, perhaps I will earn a colorful badge that my mom will have to sew onto my sash. THEN who'll be the sucker!??

On a totally related note, for reasons I can't explain, this made me laugh until I cried. Then I stopped laughing. Then it made me laugh until I cried again.

And you thought I was over LOLcats.

FOOLS!

heart. tear, tear. heart. heart heart. heart heart heart.

Well, heart heart heart heart. Tear, tear...but really, heart heart heart.

Heart heart, heart heart. Heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart. Heart. Tear; heart.

Heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart. After all, heart heart heart. True, tear tear--but heart heart heart heart heart heart heart. Heart.

HEART HEART!

things I'll miss when I go.

And so it begins. Now that I've ceased freaking out--I'm all freak and all out--and consider my maRble-sack entirely empty, I can admit to being a...how'd that go?...oh yeah, a "sloshing sack of emotions" for the time being. Before I turn my feelings off again, allow me to be sentimental for the sake of a couple lists:

I call this one "For All the Girls I've Loved Before." In no particular order:

Joy -- though she lives in Seattle, she's my sea star.
Kirsten -- though she's tirelessly critical of my hair, she's so much like me it's weeeiiiird.
Tara -- though I've hardly seen her all summer, she loves hard.
Jenny -- though I've hardly seen her at all sober, she entertains.
Mary -- though she often gets me wrong, she laughs with me like no one laughs with me.
Lisa -- though she's widely misunderstood, she lets it go.
Taya -- though she seems intimidating, she doesn't mean it.

You'll notice that's a short list. I don't know too many women. Or maybe I just don't like too many women. Whatevs.

I call this next one "Just Call Me Angel of the Morning." Breakfast is my favorite meal, after all:

Genie's--the new coffee bar is rad.
Paradox--vegans are lame, but this place has sentimental value.
Cup & Saucer--cranky staff!
Juniors--one block away.
Zell's--just plain rad.
Tiny's--around the corner: coffee that your spoon stands up in, terrible, terribly loud music, and overpriced sandwiches. Why do I love thee? Repeat question mark.

That's all for now.

OH BITCHES WHO PRAY HELP ME OUT

So, on the suggestion of my most reliable mentor, I fired off an email to [institution I'm currently waitlisted at] inquiring about my approximate position on the waitlist. According to aforementioned mentor, this technique is your best bet to get a final "yes" or "no" at these later stages in the game--and achieve the end of torment, so to speak.

A short one-act:

Wind: Blow, blow, blow.

Ebeff: Twist, twist, twist.

THE END.

Prayer and I aren't on such good terms. Send one up for me.

how to: alienate all of your friends!

From the Nerdspace pipeline of time-wasting crap:

SLAMBOOK!

Name three things you like and three you dislike about your last ten commenters. Then post your list as a comment to all ten people’s pages so they can do the same!

Okay, here’s my issue with slambooks: a) they fall within the realm of middle school girls and slumber parties, b) they’re cruel and hurtful (I still hate my nose, my shoulders, and my forehead because of those snotty little braindead bitches), and, most importantly, c) they’re supposed to be anonymous. Meaning, you don’t claim your comments, you just scribble them in everyone’s slambooks like the coward you are (but there’s still the off-chance that your had-been friend might recognize your handwriting and hate you forever for telling her she has a big nose and she’s too tall and has big shoulders [broad shoulders are sexy, you poor-postured little sloped-shouldered hunchback freaks] and her forehead is too high and WOW SHE REALLY OUGHT TO GET A BODY WAVE. Not that I’m bitter.).

Having nothing to do today but grade papers, I shall complete the slambook, but I’m gonna do it bloggie-style (wah-waaah!) and use my last ten BLOG commenters--still, I’m NOT going to call it a slambook due to the above-listed three items. In lieu of "SLAMBOOK!", I'll call it "thoughtless list I spend very little time on that might offend or otherewise alienate ten people!"

Regardless of how many times you've commented, I’m gonna only “do you” once. I hope you like it bloggie style.

MARY:

Likes:
1. She finds being a grown up to be a strange experience. “There’s a boy in my bed!” Adorable.
2. She’s tall, catholic, and often mistaken for my sister.
3. Snorts when she laughs.

Dislikes:
1. She lives far away (Alaska, for fuck’s sake)
2. I’m jealous of her “exquisite collar bones”
3. Decided to move back to PDX… right around the time I might be leaving.

JOSEPH:

Likes:
1. He appreciates postcards
2. He finds three kidneys fascinating (and, I assume, charming)
3. His political views and how he expresses them

Dislikes:
1. He lives far away (OH)
2. For all I know, he COULD be covered in scales. Scary!
3. Um… for all I know, he could smell really bad?

CHROMEEYES:

Likes:
1. His rapid-fire spewing of semi-coherent nonsense/genius
2. He’s a sweetheart
3. “Quite right.”

Dislikes:
1. He lives far away (Twin Cities)
2. He punched me in the eye and called me a bitch
3. Then he picked me up over his shoulder, threw me onto the beer-covered floor, and fell on top of me

KF:

Likes:
1. Dry sense of humor.
2. He’s furry, like a bear!
3. He’s patient and nice.

Dislikes:
1. He lives far away (Wisco)
2. His passion for chocolate is so much stronger than mine that I consider it a direct challenge to my femininity
3. After knowing him for 15+ years, he still kicks me in the shins on occasion, ha!

JENNIFER:

Likes:
1. FROSTING FIGHT! (She didn’t kill us all afterwards)
2. She thinks it's funny when I make fun of Aaron. Which I can’t resist doing, so I’m lucky.
3. She’s smart and funny and nice AND a girl.

Dislikes:
1. She lives far away (Chicago)
2. She didn’t come to my rescue as I wailed her name over and over while her boyfriend mashed frosting into my hair, hehehe. To her credit, she did wash the frosting out of my shirt.
3. She hasn’t used her bikechain to get me into a certain institution of higher education

KARL:

Likes:
1. He teaches me things about words.
2. His misanthropic sense of humor.
3. His misanthropy.

Dislikes:
1. He lives far away (Wisco)
2. He made me sing along with park life until I couldn’t speak the next day. HE FORCED ME I SAY.
3. His habitual promptness makes me feel like an asshole for always being like two (okay, two to twenty) minutes late.

SPINE:

Likes:
1. He juices!
2. He’s polite.
3. Yet not a stick-up-the-ass.

Dislikes:
1. He lives far away (St. Johns, LOL!)
2. Um… I haven’t seen him in so long, it’s POSSIBLE he’s grown scales.
3. He might very well smell bad by now, too.

EMILY:

Likes:
1. Her blog
2. Her comments on my blog.
3. Her charming list of six oddities.

Dislikes:
1. Um… she lives far away (Twin Cities)
2. For all I know, she could be covered in scales! Scary!
3. For all I know, she could smell really bad.

EM OH LEE:

Likes:
1. She’s Em Oh Lee (that covers a lot).
2. She’s small enough that I can pick her up and sling her over my hip, just like a doll!
3. We laugh at people we really shouldn’t laugh at.

Dislikes:
1. She lives far away (Wisco)
2. She’s about to live even FARTHER away (New Zealand)
3. I haven’t seen her in like two years. :(

LOS:
Likes:
1. He’s the sweetest ever, but not without snarky undertones
2. The nickname he used for his band in an email the other day, LOL!
3. He’s coming to Portland!

Dislikes:
1. He lives far away (Wisco)
2. He’s coming to Portland NOT TO SEE ME.
3. Man, when he’s wasted, he’s just a douchebag!

I'm not posting these on anyone else's blog. I don't desire reciprocation, plus I rilly, like, totally don't care what you think. MY NOSE IS FINE.

P.S. Sorry my list items were not grammatically parallel.

I got "the email"

and now I'm a little weepy. Totally DON'T wanna talk about it.

Bye.