do you believe in planets?

bragging.

So I've had some, uh, "interesting" activity on Flickr lately.  (If you follow those links, you'll get to watch me fight fire with fire.  And by fire I mean CRAZY.)

On the bright(ish) side, while alertly patrolling my Flickr stats, I noticed a link coming to my page from an online publication called the Situationist. It seems they're using one of my photos from Alcatraz for a piece on solitary confinement.  This pleases me.

[click to see a larger version, or just follow the link]

No photo credit, but clicking on the photo links to my account.  I'm pleased.

See?  Bragging.

my first year review is tomorrow afternoon.

Here, I'll save you some trouble:

Opinion Polls & Market Research

Yes, I designed that poll between bouts of pulling my hair out and pacing around my apartment like a lunatic.

weekend planz; lolcat

For the first time since Spring Break, I'm takin' these old bones across state lines. That's right friends, foes, and acquaintances with whom I maintain tepid-to-lukewarm relations--I'm going away for the weekend!

Sarah and I, along with Dave and Adrienne, depart for Madison tomorrow evening. I hope to lay both eyes and paws (with any luck, some other parts as well...!!!) upon many sorely missed friendlies; however, Rah and Ebeff are renting a room at the Day's Inn (classay!!!) out by the beltline, which will make a late night drink-a-thon highly unlikely. This is just as well, because we need to hit the road up to Baraboo on Saturday where our rental cabin awaits us.

Did I say "cabin"? Yeeeees.

Is it going to be cold and rainy this weekend? Yeeeees.

Will we allow that to ruin our "weekend away"? Haille no! I was raised to weather weather, kids. And who knows, perhaps I will earn a colorful badge that my mom will have to sew onto my sash. THEN who'll be the sucker!??

On a totally related note, for reasons I can't explain, this made me laugh until I cried. Then I stopped laughing. Then it made me laugh until I cried again.

And you thought I was over LOLcats.

FOOLS!

l'interwebs!

aaron at Tube
Originally uploaded by thelizabeth.

I finally have the information superhighway piped into my apartment directly. Which means I will be dumping hoards of old-ass photos onto Flickr over the course of the next few weeks. You may not care, but you may be in some of these photos if you live in or near Portland, Oregon.

This particular photo is one of my faves from the summer. Brewfest was a bust; off to the dingiest bar you could possibly drink in during a bright summer day.

You know what? I fucking love photos. While sorting through and editing my summertime photo collection, I've realized how many of the summer's events I would have totes forgotten forevs had I not documented them in digital images. Like this one. I remembered Aaron and I declaring the Brewfest a clusterfuck and going to eat gyros and drink New Castle for the $5 happy hour deal at Berbati's, but I'd totally forgotten that we went to Tube and then I walked across the Burnside Bridge where I met Kirsten and Reese at the Basement. Totally had forgotten; now I totally remember because of this photo. Also forgot about Sean's little bar-patio dip in the wading pool at Rontoms. It's now documented on my Flickr page, FOREVS BITCHEZ.

Fucking love photos.

LOLcat; weekend schedule

Changin' things up for the weekend; you get your LOL cat first on Friday.

And so begins my first weekend as former adjunct faculty at Crapland Crap UniCrappity. Thanks all in advance for your congratulations. Anyway, weekend! So far,

1) Ventured out last night to see Greg and Bud play a set at Goodfoot, despite drifting in and out of alertness, afloat on a cloud of sleep deprivation. Finally walked home at 1 AM when I couldn't stay awake any longer. Slept until ELEVEN today. Yikes. Tonight, I will

2) Hit some balls (taking care to go easy on the limb currently suffering cripplitude), see a movie at the cheapie theater (where the beer-drinkin' is permitted--nay, encouraged), and go to bed early so I can

3) Get up at 6 AM on Saturday and watch the women's French Open finals. After that, I'll probably

4) Go to the farmer's market, hit some balls (taking care to go easy on the limb currently suffering cripplitude), show my face at a going away party, then go to bed early so I can

5) Get up at 6 AM Sunday and watch the men's French Open finals. After that, I'll probably

6) Get some breakfast, hit some balls (taking care to go easy on the limb currently suffering cripplitude), then

7) Shoot myself in the face for being such a boring loser.

Have a great weekend, everybody (meaning, all 1.7 of you)!

update; LOLcat

Updates first, then you get a treat for good behavior:

1) Sharapova made her first French Open Semi! Woo-hoo! And then had her ass handed to her in said Semi. Boo-hoo! Oh well, I was pleased with her overall showing, though I wish she had shown UP for her match against the delightfully pigeon-toed babyfat queen who is young Serb Ana Ivanovic.

2) Jankovic and Henin up next. Oh please take her down, Jankovic! What fun would an all-Serbian final be? How BORED I am of Henin and her French Open "trifecta"! What fun would your first grand slam final be? What fun you are to watch during press conferences, what with your big smiles and your confusing forehead and mile-long nose and all! How proud would I be if I have predicted the winner of both the women's AND the men's tournament? WHAT DRAMA!

3) The ankle is sore, but much, much better--my panic has subsided. It's stiffer today after testing it by hitting a few balls last night (insert laugh-track here), but I believe whatever is wrong will lose and I will win through continued rest, anti-inflammatories, and ankle strengthening exercises.

4) I'm so tired of Iron and Wine I could vomit.

5) Grading papers on four hours of sleep is less than ideal, but I had to stay up late to sweat/writhe/whimper off the tummyache (still in denial that I'm lactose intolerant), then get up at 5 AM to watch the Sharapova-Ivanovic match. Being tired doesn't make the papers any harder to grade, really--I forget I'm exhausted until I stop working and come up for air...then...the peepers... droop...zzzz

zzzz
zzz

::snort::

Huh? What? Mom? Oh.

So anyway, grading papers on no sleep--yeah, not so bad considering today is...

6. MY LAST DAY OF TEACHING FOR THE NEXT YEAR AND A HALF! Cue party music! And... cue unemployment. No? Shit.

7. This cafe is full of crazies.

Okay, you've been updated. Here's your LOLcat:

LOL!

See, it worked!

shake out the sand, then put the panties back on. very good, ebeff.

A little break from the norm; something pleasant: finally got my photos from Short Sands up on Flickr.

Took Aaron there while he was visiting. Not mbimotmog Aaron, but this Aaron:

What else? Ten things:

1. It was fun.

2. We saw a gray whale, sea lions, cormorands (sp?), a bald eagle, pelicans, and the world's biggest, grossest slug.

3. We saw waterfalls and romped along the beach.

4. We picnicked out at the cape that affords the most amazing views ever and only costs an easy 2.5-mile hike.

5. The beach is surrounded by tall cliffs in a U-shaped cove popular among surfers for its even breaks.

6. I almost froze my feet off.

7. A rogue wave got us.

8. We had fish and chips at a pub in Cannon Beach after showing Aaron the Goonies rocks.

9. The waitress poured someone the wrong beer and gave it to me.

10. I will truly, truly miss the ocean.

anna nicole smith slept with some ugly dudes before she died...

That's all I learned from watching twenty minutes of MSNBC during my breakfast. Which, in turn, is why I read my news.

DECISIONS, DECISIONS...
So finally, [institution that had me waitlisted] got back to me and told me--politely, cordially, and with seemingly genuine empathY--"hang tight." They can't identify my relative place on the waiting list because it's all field-specific, so the *right* person would have to refuse [institution]'s offer for me to get in. Which is bad news for me, because my field happens to be particularly flooded. So why didn't I choose a different field, you ask? Well, smart-ass, we can't always choose the ones we love.

Yes, I *do* respond to all criticism, imagined or otherwise, with a snide cliche.

Moving on: because I operate under the assumption that [previously discussed institution] will, in all likelihood, eventually reject me, my decision re: institution that offered me money is still treading heavily through the corridors of my brain. I drag my feet, and so do my decisions.

HERE IS MY TIME--FRITTER IT AWAY PLEASE BITCHES...
I had a second interview today for a job I actually wanted. Before the interview even began, the motherfucker be all "well, frankly, you're not exactly qualified for this job, but we really like your resume and wanted to get to know you a little better in case other positions open up that better suit your skills and qualifications."

MOTHER. FUCKER.

Next time I want to waste my time interviewing for a job that doesn't exist, I'LL let YOU know. Until then, PLEASE DON'T CALL ME IN FOR A SECOND INTERVIEW IF YOU HAVE NO INTENTION OF HIRING ME.

Mother. Fucker.

more made-up categories and pointless lists, because organizing my thoughts is too intimidating a task

Crappy things about this week:

1) First week of classes. Pbbbbbbbt.
2) Spring Break is over. Pbbbbbbbt.
3) Serena Williams re-embarassed Maria Sharapova at the Sony-Ericsson Open last week, and I'm still recovering.
4) My roots are showing.
5) Still struggling with my decision about MilRockEe

Awesome things about this week:

1) Joy and Matt are coming down from Seattle for the weekend! Yay!
2) I bought the raddest most awesomest dress ever this weekend and I'm gonna wear the SHIT out of it.
3) Looks like good tennis weather may be in the forecast.
4) I have a job interview for a non-teaching position. Praise Geebuzz!
5) Crappy McCrapFace is on sabbatical, so I don't have to worry about running into him in the copy room/office/lounge what have you.

Options for my future:

1) Stay In Portland FOREVER.
2) Stay in Portland another year, reapply to PhD programs next year after rehabilitating my five year-old GRE scores.
3) Move to Milwaukee, accept the nice work+school+money deal, and roll with the punches.

I would like to request a vote on the above. Or if you have alternative suggestions, I'm all ears.

Hi-larious thing that happened:

I found Jamey's first gray hair! Bwahahahaaaa! I usually pay Jamey the courtesy of not writing much about him, mainly because he never, EVER reads this blog and thus is not present to defend himself. HOWEVER! This was awesome. We were unloading groceries, IN THE DARK, when I caught a glint off of a hair close to the back of his neck and screeched, "Hold still!" He was all "what?!? WHAT?!?" thinking there's a big spider or something (what a girl). I yoinked it out, which he got all owly about, insisting I couldn't tell the gray ones from the blonde ones in the dark, and he's not going gray, and waa waa waa, but once we got inside and inspected it, of COURSE I was right, and it's now scotch-taped to the filing cabinest in the office next to a post-it that says "HA-HA!" I'm pretty pleased, both with my eagle eye, and that he is showing signs of aging. It makes me paranoid to begin with that I'm older, but I kinda LOOK older, plus I gots lots o' gray under all the red dye. Phew! Jamey's OLD. Ha (upward inflection). Ha (and downward).

Top Five lists, because I want to write something

Top Five Things I Said to My Students this Term

1. "Of course we can discuss it further. Or we can agree to disagree. Or we can argue about it, and you will lose."

2. "I cannot explain your fickle heart to you or to anyone."

3. "If I stood here and explained Naziism to you, would you leap to the assumption that I am, 'obviously,' a Nazi?"

4. "It is not my job to manage your schedule for you. But I'm sorry about your fiancee."

5. "That is precisely the kind of comment it's more than acceptable to keep to yourself."

Top Five Parts of My Body That Hurt Right Now

1. My head. But I think that's because it's only six AM and I can smell coffee but haven't had any yet.

2. My right palm. After taking over a month off, I played tennis for the first time on Sunday--two hours of tennis, to be precise--and then I had a lesson on Monday. My hand hurts from gripping the racquet too tightly. I'm a little high-strung. HA! Get it? Strung?

3. My inner thighs. Apparently there are muscles you use for tennis that you don't use for running, or for anything else that doesn't involve chasing a ball around a concrete rectangle like a lunatic. Because I 've been running increasing distances every day as part of my training regimen for a half-marathon, yet I ache today, I ACHE. Although it's looking less and less likely that I will actually be able to run the marathon, because of...

4. ...my knees. If I run on the treadmill, I'm fine. As soon as I try to run outside on the pavement, a) my nerd gene kicks in and I get asthma, plus b) my joints can't take the pounding. I said "take the pounding," hehehe.

5. My right shoulder. Again, tennis. I think the only good workout to get you into shape for tennis is playing tennis. Those sneaky little tennis muscles always hurt after I take a break, even if I've been working out faithfully, yoga and all.

Top Six Artists I've Been Loading onto My iPod Shuffle Lately

1. Magnetic Fields

2. Pasqualle (no, I am not cooler than you, they are a local band/friend's band. Black Heart Procession meets Nick Cave).

3. Crooked Fingers

4. Man Man

5. The Japanese

6. Cat Power

Top Five Bands Coming to Town That I'd Love to See but Will Have To Pick and Choose Due to Financial Constraints

1. Xiu Xiu

2. Trans Am

3. Low

4. Modest Mouse (their last two records effin' blew, but I've still never seen 'em).

5. Bright Eyes...

[...]

[...]

..KIDDING! About the Bright Eyes part.

Top Five Objects of My Fierce and Passionate Love, Not to Mention That "I Cannot be Held Responsibe for My Actions" Kind of Droolery:

1. Robert Downey, Jr. in "Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang."

2. Robert Downey, Jr. in that bicycle riding/gun shooting photo in Esquire a month or so ago

[edit]

[end edit]

3. Robert Downey, Jr. during his run on "Ally McBeal."

4. Robert Downey, Jr. in "Wonder Boys."

5. Jon Stewart. I can't explain.

update; prancy little deer

Dear Sirs and Madames:

Among other things, this post will demonstrate how a college freshman writes immediately after he/she has "discovered" that magical piece of punctuation known as the semicolon; this post should irritate the living shit out of you if you have any sensibilities whatsoever.

So I hoped that by this weekend I would have some official news for y'all concerning the results of a certain interview with a certain institution of higher education; however, I have not yet received "the email," and I leave tomorrow noon for a wifi-free weekend on the coast. That's right, the west coast; that's right, the west coast of the United States.

Reese's birfday = this past week, Tara's = next week, => they are renting a beach house and having a joint birfday party with about twelve total attendees; one night of drunken karaoke in Portland wasn't enough birfday for Reese, apparently. The ordeal could provide precisely the brand of relaxation I so crave--campfires, irish coffees, and foggy mornings on the beach; it could, on the other hand, entail a great deal of alcohol and the necessarily ensuing hijinks. With at least a little luck, no one will drown; with a tad more luck, I might actually get to sleep in a bed.

NOTICE: I've uncovered in my Aperture archives a whole shitton of photos from San Francisco that I had deemed lost; make YourLizabeff happy and go look at them. I still need to post the ones of Cafe Vesuvio and that whole neighborhood; that will have to wait until after my minibreak.

Love,
Ebeff

P.S. God help me; that deer photo cracks me the fuck up.

Self-indulge much? Yeeeeees.

I don't teach on Monday, Wednesday, or Friday, and Tuesday was a snow day*, so technically I had a one-day work-week this week.
Of course, the snow day blew all of Sunday's and Monday's prep work out the window, so I spent Wednesday reprepping to cram four hours of material into two hour lectures (for two courses), but on Snow Day proper, I enoyed quite the time with a bunch of work-free friends. My Father's Place bloody marys and free whiskeys at one o'clock in the afternoon can only lead to one narrative cliche: "hijinks ensued."

Thursday I worked, but more importantly: yesterday, exhausted by Thursday's teach-a-thon, I indulged in hours upon hours of Australian Open** action, on my new black leather sofa, with my kitty on my lap, with the dining room still not painted and laundry to do, the dishwater beeping to be emptied and the stomach growling to be fed, I just plain didn't move for hours and hours and hours. Didn't go to the gym as planned, didn't even brew coffee--made one cup on the crappy Senseo thing we got for Christmas, then J brought me a 12-ounce serving from Goldrush (the "coffee bar" he "works" at) at 2 pm or so (by which time I had already logged a good 4 hours of sitting). Jamey even made dinner, which is such a rarety that I had to stick my finger into the plate of food in front of me before I'd believe it was real.***

Don't let all this "I sat for hours" shit lead you to the mistaken conclusion that I am suicidally depressed or plan to buy a trailer and start smoking Kools. In light of all the fit hitting the shan lately, I have a tepid agreement with myself to lay low and stare vacantly out of windows until everything blows over. So that's what I'm doing. My point where y'all are concerned is that this bout of continous sitting means I FINALLY dumped a bunch of photos from NYE, NYEE, and NYEEE in Chicago (plus one measly photo from my trip to Madison) onto Flickr. So, you know, make me happy and check them out. More will gradually trickle on today, namely those preserving in digital The Great Frosting Fight of the 06/07 Divide.

Enjoy.