Well helleeeooooooo Ms. Shriekapova! Care for a spot of tea?
By Jove, you say, nearing the end of Wimbledon’s first week, yet not a word from crazy fan-girl ThElizabiff? Good heavens! Goodness me!
You got me, I be slackin’. So let me begin my first Wimbledon ’07 post with an excuse-slash-complaint: Wimbledon follows too hard on the heels of the French Open. Which means a) I don’t have ample time to get pumped for THE BEST Grand Slam, AND b) the grass court season is too damned short. I don’t want to get into a long discussion about whether grass or clay is the “more traditional” surface, you’re just gonna have to accept that grass is better. Why, you say? Well, because all my favorite players excel on it. That’s just logic, folks.
This year in particular, so devastated by Federer’s embarrassing loss to Rafael “Man-pris” Nadal in the men’s French Open final, I couldn’t bring myself to obsessively go over the Wimbledon draws with a fine-toothed comb well before the tournament started. However, I have obsessively DVR-ed almost every match ESPN2 televised this week, and thus caught up, I can place the following in the “YAY!” column:
1) So far Screamapova has been barreling through her opponents like so much black tulle. She outright embarrassed Bremond yesterday, combining her usual blistering groundstrokes and swinging volleys with an unusual (for her) amount of variety—sharp netplay, short chips, drop shots, topspin lobs, decent movement (for a chick who’s 6’2”), and super-solid service. So she netted one easy overhead. That’s why she heart the swingin’ volley! Anyhoo, she bagelled the first set, winning eight consecutive games before even allowing Bremond on the board.
2) SO MUCH FASHION TO TALK ABOUT! See my next post for rants/details.
3) Roddick looks pretty sharp, coming to Wimbledon with a recent grass-court title to his name. Unfortunately (for fan-girl ThElizabeff), the draw dictates that he can’t possibly meet Federer in a replay of the 2005 Wimbledon final-- they’d meet in the semis if anywhere. Stupid Nadal disrupting my fantasy-finals!
4) Today: MARAT SAFIN vs. ROGER FEDERER!!! I-I—I—I can’t keep my clothes on. To steal an equation from Joseph, (Federer’s Neck-down perfection + Safin’s general bad-boy smoking hotness) x white outfits on grass court = THELIZEXPLOSION! I can’t wait. Okay, I don’t have to wait, the match is on in like 4 minutes or something.
HOWEVER! It’s not all crumpets and funny little accents. Now for the “dodgy” column:
1) Because of the seeding and draw, Sharapova has an unfortunate collision (well, likely collision) with a certain Venus Williams in the Round of 16. Booooo. If she loses it will be her worst Wimbly showing since she won the tournament in ’04.
2) Nadal be rollin’. DO NOT WANT! At least he—gasp!—isn’t sporting Capris this tournament, but he’s still wearing ridiculously tight pants and pulling his knickers out his bum after every point. ::Shudder.:: Freaking weird Europeans.
3) Gonzales out already. I enjoy his insane forehand, but even moreso his general “I have no idea what restraint looks like” go-for-broke style of play.
4) Blake is out. Why should you care? Well, in addition to his snappy forehand, he’s-Harvard educated, well-spoken, sensitive, and—okay, okay, mostly just because
It's okay to stare.
Now I know what you're thinking: How could that man possibly get any hotter? The anwer is
That is, he could stop shaving his head.
I still know what you're thinking: Could thElizabeff possibly get any shallower? The answer is...oh just you wait for my Wimbledon '07 Fashion Review. Shallower than the kiddy-pool.
Confidential to AARON:
Including Martina THE FOREHEAD Swiss Miss in my sports blogging would be easier accomplished if she started winning some matches...