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2007.03.13

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i've eaten a PINT of ice cream before and have not died, so i think you are in the clear.

we have 18 pints sitting in the fridge at work right now. you've inspired me to have some for breakfast.

i am so healthy!

But I could FEEEEEL. My PUUUUUULSE. In my NEEEECk. Without reaching up with my fingers dude, just like, it was THERE. THROBBING. STRUGGLING.

EIGHTEEN PINTS?!?!


:::passes out:::

Some asprin should do the trick.

How is this my fault? I think it is quite mean of you to write about all this food on your blog when you know I am not eating anything that resembles food. Mean. Just straight mean.

Sorry. Seriously. I'm not trying to torment you or sabbotage your efforts. Check your voicemail for evidence, lady.

Here's why it's all your fault:

"I knew I was going to do this so I had ice cream every day last week.very bad"

You put the thougt in my head. I don't REALLY mean it's your fault, though. Silly mary, thinking anything I write on my blog is sincere! You must have low blood sugar.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

One time, my dad ate, over the course of a day, several hot dogs, several boxes of popcorn (we were at a game) and, later that night, a ton of cookies and cream ice cream. Results:

1. Vomiting
2. No heart attack
3. No pregnancy
4. Prostate cancer (years later, now gone, yet possibly related?)

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Myself to Death

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